Third post tonight

My heart is heavy because I'm developing competency issues and body issues, about my dick. I'm cut, I wish I was uncircumcised because I feel like... someone cut my body when I was a baby and I'm just getting pissed right now because it's traumatic for a baby, it's like cutting off the vulva of a baby girl just for cultural reasons. Ugh I can't hold it in, everything lately is just crushing me and now I'm crying and I just want to snuggle up in a hoodie and hide under the covers and hold my little penis in my hands because he deserves a warm, comfortable hoodie of his own. I can't go back and hit my parents I can't go back and fix my body and here I am mourning the general concept of violating and scarring my body when I'm not in a place to give consent. Jesus will someone please stand up for what's right in this world? I'm so fucking pissed off and I'm just fucking crying over all the ways people have hurt my body and my heart and my penis and I just have to mourn these scars and they're not going away. People could have stood up for me when I was a sweet naive wonderful bright kid and now I'm an adult who just wants nothing but for my parents to suffer for not being there for me when the doctor asked them if he could cut away a special part of my infant body and I want them to remember every remaining day of their lives that they were not there for me when I was raped and they told me that if I wasn't a slimy faggot I probably wouldn't have been raped. Are you fucking joking? Our relationship lost all hope in that moment and I learned that blood isn't always family. And they know very well now that our relationship as parent and son is over with. People don't change. They cut me for their belief in god and not for me, they threw me out and all I did was struggle looking for love,  dating constantly, sometimes trading myself just to have a guy cuddle with me afterward, and I found the wrong guy, didn't know a thing about how easy it is to roofie someone, primarily how important it is to take care of yourself on a first date, and then I was raped and a beautiful part of me just went into hiding in some safe corner of my brain, and the adult in me mutated and took over the empty space and now I'm loud and strong and angry and sad. This could have been prevented. And I could've been helped and encouraged to go see a police officer immediately and get this rapist behind bars. I can just assume that he's raped so many more sweet trusting boys like me into scared angry shells who are alone and scared and can't talk about it without doubt and vulnerable embarrassment. Fuck you fuck your bullshit fuck the world's bullshit and fuck you for not standing up for the little guy and watch me because I'll find you, any of you and I'm not afraid to come to you and slowly twist until I shatter your vertebrae and break your neck.