I'm just being apprehensive because of the stance that was made between you and K. I mean you didn't sound like you weren't gonna be very compromising to be honest... and can you blame me? And right now I'm scared I'm gonna waste my time really, but for some reason I still want to tell my story.
When I was 12 I knew I was attracted to guys. I mean, I just was. I dated seven girls you know, and four seriously between college and my senior year of high school--I tried to fit the mold. I just ended up depressed, seeing everyone else so happy with their girlfriends when I just never felt that way with a girl. So i snapped out of it and started branching out, making gay friends and asking everyone questions; my friends, my bishop, my psychiatrist. Eventually I found out that I was built this way and that I liked being in a guy's arms and I liked hearing a guy's voice over the phone and I liked it when a guy told me i looked nice. I mean, it's as simple as that, I don't see why people are so scared of it. Fear of the unknown? it's pretty known already haha... Anyways when I had my first kiss with my friend Chris. (He and i weren't dating because i was scared to death--i mean, being told "kissing boys is wrong" your whole life and then finding out you're gay... that's the reason for these suicides.) It was weird, I mean i'm sure the first time you kissed your wife it was like the walls crumbled and the sunshine came flowing in, wasn't it? And i know that sounds horribly cheesy but it really was night-and-day for me. Boy-vs-girl. I never wanted to go back, I mean I found a reason to live really. My grades skyrocketed from about three F's in three semesters to A's and B's. I wanted to do things and better myself. School mattered because I wanted to support a beautiful husband and an amazing family. That semester was the first time I remember waking up every day loving the sun coming through my window.
I had the best semester of my life when I was dating K and living together. He and i don't talk anymore, and alot of the reason we fought was because his family loved me and my family couldn't stand the sight of him. And I discovered I was the "hot topic" at my grandfather's funeral when I heard about the threats and complaints about how my parents can't raise children right. I was furious, defensive, reclusive, and I turned to a life that would take me. My grades again were solid A's, all four classes last semester. K and I fell apart when he got into pot and I wanted nothing to do with him, but his and my friendship is still mending. It would be easier if my family had open arms to back me up with. It's kind of a disaster really and I just keep fighting--i'm not wronging anyone. I was just born wrong.
...So everything I do keeps me from family outings, and my parents are at a point where they aren't sure whether they want me to come to church with them anymore. The lowest point in my life was this christmas when I woke up at 9 and they had celebrated christmas without me. I feel rejected all the time and trust me I have cried, fought, screamed, sold out, found things in common with my dad i never knew i had, built a relationship with my mom i never would have had, and completely changed myself. All for the better.
People tell me that my love is a choice. I usually tell them, "yeah, living alone for the rest of your live or going out and finding someone." And i generally retort "i'll see you at the nearest restaurant with my new girlfriend and a boy of your choice."
When i ask, they never have anything to say to that. I've kissed girls, but i just feel strange... Like when a straight guy kisses another guy--it's awkward to him. I feel that way with girls. Trust me, ha i've done plenty of research--scientific journals, the newest report on the news about genes and whatever strikes my attention. The world is changing, and I mean, we're not becoming more conservative... we're moving towards equal rights for all. People tell me that my marriage will infringe on their marriage. Why? They say it's "immoral" so i tell them, "why do you watch primetime tv then?" They continue with "it's unnatural" and i say "i don't have any way to prove it, but innocent till proven guilty. Show me the evidence that it's impossible." And lastly, "what about family values?" and i always reply "we have families and we have values." i advise my friends to go at it this way (like martin luther king) that the only way to achieve civil rights is to be patient and nonviolent.
We don't kill. We just wait, and celebrate in parades or with our friends in safe places and in groups. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I hear a new gay man repeatedly called a faggot as they bludgeon him to death. It's not cool, and any good christian should stand up against treatment like that.
Finally, my biggest cause: What religion would ever divide a family?
...I've never gotten an answer to that question.
When I was 12 I knew I was attracted to guys. I mean, I just was. I dated seven girls you know, and four seriously between college and my senior year of high school--I tried to fit the mold. I just ended up depressed, seeing everyone else so happy with their girlfriends when I just never felt that way with a girl. So i snapped out of it and started branching out, making gay friends and asking everyone questions; my friends, my bishop, my psychiatrist. Eventually I found out that I was built this way and that I liked being in a guy's arms and I liked hearing a guy's voice over the phone and I liked it when a guy told me i looked nice. I mean, it's as simple as that, I don't see why people are so scared of it. Fear of the unknown? it's pretty known already haha... Anyways when I had my first kiss with my friend Chris. (He and i weren't dating because i was scared to death--i mean, being told "kissing boys is wrong" your whole life and then finding out you're gay... that's the reason for these suicides.) It was weird, I mean i'm sure the first time you kissed your wife it was like the walls crumbled and the sunshine came flowing in, wasn't it? And i know that sounds horribly cheesy but it really was night-and-day for me. Boy-vs-girl. I never wanted to go back, I mean I found a reason to live really. My grades skyrocketed from about three F's in three semesters to A's and B's. I wanted to do things and better myself. School mattered because I wanted to support a beautiful husband and an amazing family. That semester was the first time I remember waking up every day loving the sun coming through my window.
I had the best semester of my life when I was dating K and living together. He and i don't talk anymore, and alot of the reason we fought was because his family loved me and my family couldn't stand the sight of him. And I discovered I was the "hot topic" at my grandfather's funeral when I heard about the threats and complaints about how my parents can't raise children right. I was furious, defensive, reclusive, and I turned to a life that would take me. My grades again were solid A's, all four classes last semester. K and I fell apart when he got into pot and I wanted nothing to do with him, but his and my friendship is still mending. It would be easier if my family had open arms to back me up with. It's kind of a disaster really and I just keep fighting--i'm not wronging anyone. I was just born wrong.
...So everything I do keeps me from family outings, and my parents are at a point where they aren't sure whether they want me to come to church with them anymore. The lowest point in my life was this christmas when I woke up at 9 and they had celebrated christmas without me. I feel rejected all the time and trust me I have cried, fought, screamed, sold out, found things in common with my dad i never knew i had, built a relationship with my mom i never would have had, and completely changed myself. All for the better.
People tell me that my love is a choice. I usually tell them, "yeah, living alone for the rest of your live or going out and finding someone." And i generally retort "i'll see you at the nearest restaurant with my new girlfriend and a boy of your choice."
When i ask, they never have anything to say to that. I've kissed girls, but i just feel strange... Like when a straight guy kisses another guy--it's awkward to him. I feel that way with girls. Trust me, ha i've done plenty of research--scientific journals, the newest report on the news about genes and whatever strikes my attention. The world is changing, and I mean, we're not becoming more conservative... we're moving towards equal rights for all. People tell me that my marriage will infringe on their marriage. Why? They say it's "immoral" so i tell them, "why do you watch primetime tv then?" They continue with "it's unnatural" and i say "i don't have any way to prove it, but innocent till proven guilty. Show me the evidence that it's impossible." And lastly, "what about family values?" and i always reply "we have families and we have values." i advise my friends to go at it this way (like martin luther king) that the only way to achieve civil rights is to be patient and nonviolent.
We don't kill. We just wait, and celebrate in parades or with our friends in safe places and in groups. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I hear a new gay man repeatedly called a faggot as they bludgeon him to death. It's not cool, and any good christian should stand up against treatment like that.
Finally, my biggest cause: What religion would ever divide a family?
...I've never gotten an answer to that question.
