Bye Marco hey Ali hey Ferras friend Ali bye Ferras

Blehhhhh boys. Simple breakup last Sunday turned angry and stupid. Fuck you Ferras you're a pussy bitch and I don't know why you suddenly broke up with me but I liked you a lot and I guess you were over it before it started. My ex Daniel is fucking crazy he's going around trying to harm me and to find the boys that I date and tell them that I have an std and that I raped him two times. Don't destroy that part of me you filthy lonely miserable maggot, stay in your hole neglect your medicine and don't spread your poison because if it was you, I was starting to be truly happy with someone and I was beginning to see a future, in the short term, with this boy. Why the fuck my ex Ferras just pulled this "we have to break up" idea out of his ass, apparently he'd been sure of it for a week. I know that I'm crazy but it sucks when the medication wears off and I get anxious, I'm not sorry for it. Fuck you go find someone else and leave me on my own to feel rejected by a 23 year old pharmacy student who has an $80-100k future ahead of him by 25. I suddenly I can't help but feel a quarter life crisis when a kid tells me that I'm not good enough for him, or that Daniel found him and poisoned his understanding of me  Fuckkk.

Marco came, and Marco left

I started crying when I saw him pass through airport security for the last time, I've never cried in public but sniffling it back and holding it down was the hardest thing I've ever done. And the walk to my car was the longest walk I've ever experienced. I'm like crying all of the sudden right now, not loud but you know, quietly. Am I crying for my heart or am I crying for how happy he is to see his long-missed friends and family in Italy? When I hit the parking garage I was full on tears, then the instant I closed the car door to my little Chevy I just got so loud with it, I didn't know I was this in love with him. Today is Thursday, I surrendered him to Italy Sunday night, and I tell myself that he's happy there so why not be happy here? We got to the airport at 5, flight at 8:45, so we spent about two hours together with a berry and a carrot-orange smoothie from jamba juice and I showed him the PowerPoint I made for him, titled,

...and here's some slides do you see how cute this is, oh how I love him:

I've contacted the University of Perugia and I've been working on my Italian so maybe I can do an internship there this fall. I've also looked into canada and Australia (exclusively in cities where I have reliable friends in case I need help). There are good guys out there and this little scorpio changed me and I miss him.

~Jason

Marco's flying back from vacation tonight!

He's coming back from visiting his relatives in Vancouver CAN and I get to pick him up again! Should I bring flowers should I just kill myself I'm so excited!! I'm leaving work early at 5 to get down to the DIA by 6:16!!!!!!

this is my boyfriend Marco

This is Marco

He leaves for Italy on June 1st

I'm going to bawl my eyes out and I'm not ashamed, look at how perfect we've been able to be

Just look.

Heartbreak, I can already feel it... I'm bracing myself for it but why the hell do that?

that would be a lonely way to say goodbye to him, when he's always been warm and so welcoming... Can I cry, if that's okay with you, Marco?

Marco flies to Canada for two weeks, then back for two days, then Italy

We're going to bed right now at 11:48pm to wake up at 4:30am, arriving at the DIA at 6:30 to be 100% sure he makes his 8:30am flight. Ma che cazzo (ugh what the fuck)! Yesterday night he accidentally told me that he loved me, tomorrow I might say the same thing to him. I want to, so we'll see. Good night :)

Life's romantic life's good

So i haven't been posting much because I'm really enjoying my life right now and fun times with Marco and his Italian friends. Just know that I'm not neglecting you I'm just happy as can be right now :)

I like him

I like him lots :)

Marco

I've been casually dating this cute Italian exchange student named Marco, he's in Fort Collins for two months, same as me, and yea I like him a lot. His lifestyle is relaxing and when we have sex he's calm, I'm a little nervous because I need to warm up, and he tells me to slow down and enjoy it. He calls me "bellisimo cowboy" is that not the cutest fucking name?

I slept thru my finance exam

Staying up till 6 fuming about Alex so yea I'm failing calculus for the 4th time, chemistry for the 3rd and finance again how the hell. I hope I fucking pass history 150 for god sakes. I don't have any more time to waste in this college. An old friend of mine posted a status today about how he's celebrating his 3 year anniversary of graduating from BYU and lol I'm in my 7th year attempting to get the fuck out. I have friends this year posting things about how excited they are to have been accepted into medical school or some masters program. Am I biologically fucked up beyond repair or am I just lazy, or just unlucky maybe? Hopefully? Just fuck it is what I say.

Also nice little 4am surprise;

So the guy who raped me two years ago just found me on instagram and started liking the photos of me what the fuck do I do in this situation

Some photos of me this week

Birthday party in Denver sat night:

Walkin around Denver right before the party:

Lorde was in town so I was walking for a while to my car

Filtered pic of the city to bring out the colors:

And back home in Fort Collins, Arthur and I making fun of the way my Canadian friend says words:

~JK

I wanna be a dad so bad sometimes

See this shit?